As I gathered my ideas to write this article, before I knew it, 2 pages of inclusions developed and I realized this one would have to be broken down into parts, otherwise the book I intend to write would exist on the blog. So, as you read, remember that this is a "to be continued" article. The mental/emotional/feelings hiding deep inside each of us when it comes to getting healthy is a topic that simply is not addressed in books, etc.....and it is so HUGE....and so I am going there....and as you already know...I am a up front, tell it like it is, HONEST, fitness professional here to help you every way that I can....
The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone... Married or Not.....Feeling unsupported.......
Are you sitting home waiting for life to happen for you, for someone to make it happen for you? Do you want to feel motivated by your partner, but all you get is a roll of the eyes. Are you living alone and feeling lonely….there is a difference. Is this keeping you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all, but you know what…..it is up to YOU to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and complete health come from each individual person within….so why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you?
People around but feel alone....... 
Do you feel crappy because you are with someone, surrounded by your family, and want so much for everyone to be on YOUR same page to get healthy …..wake up….this is not realistic. The best you can do is create YOUR own page, be an example, and inspire your mate and family to appreciate and hopefully desire what they see in you.
Alone and can't do it alone.....
Are you completely alone and feel no motivation at all to get healthy? Are you stuck in a hum drum routine of going through the motions of life, and hiding from what life could be? It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity WILL be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy. Check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area and look for physical activities that sound fun and non intimidating at first. This is a gentle way of meeting people who more than likely feel just like you, making new friends, and guess what….gaining a support group and the best motivation through workout partners.
The fear to change is real but you can do it.......
Living an unhealthy lifestyle can come from such deep and hurtful emotional pain, and choosing to hide ourselves in an unhealthy package serves as a security blanket or protection from further emotional pain. I realize that the fear and how you feel is real, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT…..getting healthy is a work in progress. Taking little steps and eventually letting go of that which has trapped the person you really are can happen. Checking out support groups may sound like a HUGE step that just can not be stomached, but if you open up just a little and allow a bit of vulnerability to take place, your journey to shedding that blanket can begin.
It is OK to set the example and be motivated by what YOU want.....
Have you lost yourself in someone else, and have given up what motivates you? Why???? It is healthy, fabulous, and fun to be motivated by what makes up YOU, and even better to set the example of a healthy lifestyle through what makes you happy. Believe me, happiness is contagious and what was once lost….will definitely make a BIG impression.
Change with a smile and positive attitude......
Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? I hope so and doing so with a smile and positive attitude because it is a choice that YOU made. Again, this is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you are with will change…..sometimes this does not happen and acceptance of this is crucial because regardless of anyone else, it is YOU who has control of YOU, your happiness, and your health for life.
Feeling angry about your mate......
Getting healthy and angry that your mate is not joining the party? Why? Each one of us is responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear…..those we love. Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc…..are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health. This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well….your choice to improve the quality of your life is just that….YOURS. In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy, but all of us are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do, is enjoy the journey to good health, and be a walking example of your life. So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog. I have found over the years of working with clients that have significant others, that the partner wanted the physical and emotional changes of the client. Bingo….they are both working out together, eating wonderful new healthy foods, and enjoying the refresh of the relationship.
Why blame he/she for who they are….the only thing you can change is YOU
The blame game…..such a trap for unhealthiness and unhappiness. Are you there? Do you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, pains, and events and feel stuck and unable to move forward? Think about it…….what is this doing for you each day of your life except causing stress, depression, zapping your physical and emotional health, and a loathing nag that life really sucks....well THAT really sucks. Why Why Why??? The past can not be changed, and you definitely can not change the people who caused such pain for you…..what can you do…work on changing YOU. Accepting that the behaviors of others are not about you and out of your control, although disappointing, is essential to your being able to move forward. Sometimes this takes a few sessions with a counselor that you have interviewed, bonded with, and feel comfortable taking steps of sharing with. We all at times need help putting our lives into perspective, and it is definitely worth your health and happiness. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, but this moment is your gift to live the way YOU CHOOSE.
Accept others for who they are….
I may be repetitive on this one….but this is so true…especially for relationships now struggling with identity crisis. Who the hell is this person? I no longer know you? Why don’t you do this or that? Well….take a look at yourself….stop focusing on them and focus on YOU….you have NO control of what is going on in someone else’s brain and body…their thoughts, activities, and decisions. This is always the set up for unrealistic and REALLY disappointing SELF expectations we place on others and often times without they being aware of it. How unfair is that??? and how dissapointed are YOU because of it??? STOP STOP STOP creating within your own mind what he/she was supposed to do, what they were supposed to say and how it was to be said, how the birthday, anniversary, holiday that played such the perfect movie in your head with that person did not happen how YOU expected....hell....they did not even see the movie. Expect everything from your own actions, thoughts and feelings and have zero expectations from others, and consider yourself truly blessed and appreciative when something thoughtful happens to you......because that is the beginning of letting go and realizing YOU do not control ANYONE....but sure as hell can love them for who they are and at that REALISTIC MOMENT be truly thankful. Sometimes that which once felt like a dream seems like a nightmare, but taking control of feeling great for yourself through controlling your own responses to life with your own healthy thoughts, actions, and decisions for yourself will reap healthy benefits beyond belief….
I realize that this is digging deep into truly getting healthy, and removing bandaids covering the crap hiding and keeping a healthy lifestyle from even being able to happen.....but going into the mental side of making the choice to begin a healthy journey is the key to open the door for a lifetime of good quality living.
to be continued........
Stay Healthy!!!!
Darla Benfield, LCPT, LCMT
